So I gave up on myself the past couple of days, I had the momentum and then I fell, and I tripped, more like I broke my leg and rested. I have these moments of sad, of what's the point the weight will never come off? I am destined to be fat but then something inside me is like, remember all those times you feel like crap autumn? remember those times in the summer when you want to enjoy the sunshine but are too self-conscious to go out in shorts and tanks? that is what spiked me to get back what I need to do with myself, I know I have what it takes and I have the motivation and the only issue is the money issue, Jill doesn't work yet and the job I currently have...well lets just say high school but with older people and it isn't for me. None of it is for me, and I just want to be working for an organization that can pay me and I feel worthy. This current job brings me down, but I have to keep listening to my girl Lex, there are jobs out there worthy of myself, but this job now is just to pay the bills, it isn't forever and I need to just work and pay attention to the cues I am telling myself, like I am going to make this happen. So back on the wagon today, back to structure and controlling the things I CAN control! I just keep thinking nothing will change but they will because I CAN CHANGE THEM!
Please God be with me, and thank you Mom, thank you Lex and thank you baby (Jill), for being the best people/support ever!
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